Sixty
four years ago today my parents stood together in a simple
wedding at my Aunt Nellie’s home in
Illinois to pledge their love and to promise a life together. They proudly upheld those vows
for 62 years, until Mom’s passing in 2010.
Their 25th anniversary had been greeted with a surprise party,
and their 50th had brought the extended family and neighborhood
friends together for a wonderful luncheon.
But their 60th anniversary posed more of a problem. In 2008 my mother was in the grips of advanced
dementia, robbing her of both physical and mental capabilities. Most of her days were spent in a quiet fog,
sleeping or staring blankly out the window.
Although she still new us, day to day events seemed lost to her, and I
was not convinced she would even know it was their anniversary, let alone grasp
the significance of it being their 60th. On top of that, both of my parents’ immediate families had
passed as had most of their friends. So
there were few left to invite to celebrate with us. I feared that the day would be difficult for
my father because I knew it was a milestone he had wanted to attain, but he
would not be sharing it with his beautiful bride in the fashion he had always
envisioned. I wanted to find a way to
honor their achievement and at the same time bring a little joy into my
father’s life.
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| The wedding day |
It was
about a year prior that I launched a plan which turned out to be a much bigger
success than I had ever imagined. The
seeds of the plan originated a decade earlier when my sister had written to a
few celebrities to see if they would inscribe a picture to my parents for their
50th anniversary. A couple, such as Bob
Hope and Dolly Parton, sent signed photos and Wynonna Judd even wrote them a
brief congratulatory note. It was
nothing big, but it was fun for my parents to receive mystery envelopes from
time to time with an autograph inside.
One very unexpected result of this was a surprise phone call from then
First Lady, Hillary Clinton. At the time
the White House had a policy of sending a card to anyone celebrating a 50th
anniversary, so my sister had written requesting one. What we did not realize was that evidently,
from time to time, a card was chosen at random and the First Lady would call
the couple personally. So on the
afternoon of their anniversary the phone suddenly rang, and Dad answered to a
person asking him to hold for the First Lady.
Then Hillary came on the line to wish them a happy anniversary and to
say she was sorry “Bill” could not call because he was out of the country on
business. My father was quite skeptical
and almost made some unfortunate jokes at the first couple’s expense, but thankfully
he thought better of it. Mrs. Clinton
was extremely friendly and gracious, even though she was talking to a pair of incredulous,
old people who were also very hard of hearing.
I suspect the conversation was quite a challenge for her, but she stuck
it out.
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| My parents at the time of their 50th anniversary |
I
started thinking that perhaps I could try something similar but on a much larger
scale and more personalized. I started making a list of celebrities and
politicians, both local and national, who had meant something to my parents in
one way or another through the years. I
then researched their addresses and began a letter writing campaign in which I
explained my parents’ life together, their achievement of 60 years of marriage,
and the struggles then facing them both.
In addition, I tried to incorporate how that particular person had
touched my parents’ life or our family’s life through the years. In the end, I asked if they could send a
brief note of congratulations and included a self-addressed-stamped-envelope to
make it as easy as possible. In doing so
I had hoped to garner a few notes to share with Dad on their anniversary. It was my way of trying to lift his spirits
on a rather bittersweet day.
I sent out
about a dozen letters initially, and it wasn’t long before I recognized one of
my SASE’s in the mail. I opened it to
find a very nice, full page, hand written note by the former game show host,
Bob Barker. The Price is Right was one of
the shows my mother had continued to watch until her final days at home, so I
figured Bob Barker was someone she might recognize. While I had always expected to receive either
a picture with “Happy Anniversary” written on it or a simple one line greeting
scrawled upon a card or scrap of paper, I was caught off guard by such a
personal touch. I was thrilled beyond
words, so I immediately sat down and wrote another dozen or so individuals to
see what would follow. The response was
overwhelming and encouraged me to write more and more. I now want to share with you the generosity
and caring of a group of strangers whom I believe most of us would have
regarded as being too “big” or “important” to respond to such an obscure
request, but who opened their hearts in a remarkable way. I have not shared this broadly with the
public until now because I did not want anyone to take advantage of these particular
individuals. However, many of them have
since passed on themselves, so I feel I am free to discuss it. Since I can no longer remember the order in
which they were received, I will group them into broad categories for
discussion. I wish I could reprint each
and every letter and photo, but there are just too many.
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| The letter that started the whole thing. |
The
first broad category would be that of political figures. I sent a letter to former President Carter (because
I knew my father admired him as a decent man,) as well as to the governor of
Indiana, to Hoosier senators and to past and present mayors of Indianapolis. I also included a letter to the current mayor
of my father’s hometown of Tuscola, Illinois.
I suspect most of my replies in this category were secretarial, but who
knows for sure. In the end, I received a
letter from Jimmy Carter saying he and Rosalyn wished my parents a “happy 62nd wedding anniversary” (which
was actually the number of years the Carters had been married,) a note from
former Vice President Al Gore sending his and Tipper’s congratulations, and
letters from Governor Mitch Daniels and Senator Evan Bayh. Indianapolis Mayor Greg Ballard was running
late with his letter, so he had his secretary personally deliver it along with
lapel pins in the shape of the key to the city to my home. A much beloved former mayor of Indianapolis
was William Hudnut III, and he sent a very personal note discussing my mother’s
health issues and wishing the pair a very happy anniversary. Senator and former astronaut John Glenn sent
an interesting note. Certain numbers got
mixed up in his replay so the letter was dated May 14, 1948 (my parents’
wedding day) and he congratulated them on 85 years of marriage (which was
actually Dad’s age at the time.) Former
Secretary of State, General Colin Powell, who my father held in high esteem,
sent a nice hand written note congratulating my folks and thanking Dad for his
past military service.
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| Jimmy Carter's note |
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| John Glenn's "interesting" response |
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| Colin Powell's surprising reply |
But one
of the more fun replies in the political category was that of Tuscola mayor
Daniel Kleiss. He sent me a letter
thanking me for writing and informed me he was declaring May 14, 2008 to be
“Walter and Ruby Fifer Day” in Tuscola.
This came with an official proclamation with many statements outlining
my parents’ life, announcing the special day in Tuscola and wishing them a
happy anniversary. It was one of a few
truly unexpected but incredibly uplifting surprises that I received in this
endeavor.
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| Mayor Kleiss's proclamation of Walter and Ruby Fifer Day in Tuscola |
The
next broad category is that of general entertainers such as comedians and
actors. This is where the old standby
autographed picture was a little more prevalent. I received autographed photos with additional
anniversary greetings from such individuals as Bill Cosby, Jay Leno, Bob
Newhart, Don Rickles, Dick Van Dyke, Tim Conway, Debbie Reynolds (who made her
first movie appearance the year my parents were wed,) Lauren Bacall, Fess
Parker (early on he played Davey Crocket in the television series that Dad and
my brother had watched and later Daniel Boone in the series that Dad and I
shared together) and game show host Bob Eubanks (The Newlywed Game being an old
family favorite.) Having grown up
watching I Love Lucy, I decided to write their children to see if they would
add their greetings. Lucie Arnaz wrote a
nice note discussing her parents’ 20 year marriage, her then 28 year marriage
to Larry Lukinbill and his parents’ 53 years together. These personal touches really meant a lot to
me, and I think they meant something to Dad, too. Her brother, Desi personalized a photo to
them. Fellow Hoosier Florence Henderson
sent them an autographed photo as well as a second personalized photo from the
entire “Brady Bunch.” The aging exercise
guru, Jack LaLanne, who I used to watch in the mornings when I got up for
school, sent a personalized photo of himself flexing his muscles. And Graham Kerr, who my mother and I knew as
the “Galloping Gourmet,” sent an inscribed photo of him and his wife wishing them
a happy 60th and extending their prayers. Tom and Dick Smothers, known collectively as
The Smothers Brothers” sent a note congratulating the couple and saying how
they had been working together for 49 years and hoped they would still be doing
so at the 60 year mark. It was always
interesting to see how each celebrity would try to relate some aspect of his or
her life to my parents or to highlight important parts of my letter to them.
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| Comedian Don Rickles |
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| Nice note from Lucie Arnaz |
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| Bob Newhart |
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| Dick Van Dyke- a longtime family favorite |
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| One of Florence Henderson's replies on behalf of the Brady Bunch |
A
couple of people in this category stand out to me, however. The first was Kelly Stewart, the daughter of
Jimmy Stewart. My father always loved
Jimmy Stewart, the actor, but he had an even higher regard for Jimmy Stewart,
the war hero. My father was a
radio-operator on B-24 Liberators in England in WWII. Jimmy Stewart was a B-24 pilot at a base not
far from Dad’s. While he could have
safely spent his service selling war bonds and making propaganda films, he
chose instead to take an active part in the war effort, risking his life as a
command pilot. Obviously, Mr. Stewart
had already passed by the time of my parents’ anniversary, but I tracked down one of
his daughters and wrote her. She
responded with a handwritten letter to my parents. Additionally, she included with the letter an
inscribed copy of a biography of her father.
She wrote in it that if he were here he would join her in wishing them a
happy anniversary.
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| The note from Jimmy Stewart's daughter, Kelly |
Another
special response in this category was from Nick Clooney. Most people now know him as George Clooney’s
father or Rosemary Clooney’s brother, but to my family he was the guy who came
over from Kentucky to host the Indiana State Fair show in my childhood
days. He, too, chose to send a hand
written note with words of encouragement to my mother and an uplifting message
to my father, calling him his “newest hero.”
It was very personal and remains one of the favorite replies I received.
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| One of my favorite responses (Nick Clooney) |
There
were a number of singers and musicians who also responded. My parents were country music fans, and
together we had seen many of the older performers. So of course, I wrote to several that we had
seen in concert or to whom my mother had listened while playing albums during
her housework. Roy Clark sent a signed
photo, as did Andy Williams, George Strait, Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme. Barbara Mandrell personalized a photo for
them, but she also sent a note talking about the World War II airman and the
cute little punch press operator he had married. A country singer who started out locally in
Indiana before becoming a Grammy awarding winning artist in Nashville is Steve
Wariner. Steve wrote a note (on
Veteran’s Day) first thanking my father for his war service and stating that he
had just called his own Dad that day to thank him, too. He then went on to congratulate the pair,
acknowledged my father’s struggles and asked him to give Mom a hug for
him. Another country star, Mel Tillis sent a personalized photo,
but he also included one of his cd’s as a gift.
It would be a prophetic move because when Mom passed and we were looking
for music for her services, Dad asked us to play Mel’s song, Beyond the Sunset, in which the singer
is speaking to his spouse who has passed before him and telling her to walk
slowly so he can catch up when his day also comes.
“Should you go first and I remain
to walk the road alone,
I'll live in memory's garden dear
with happy days we've known.
In spring I'll wait for roses red and
shades of lilacs blue,
And in early fall when brown leaves
call I'll catch a glimpse of you.
Should you go first and I remain to
finish with the scroll
No lenghtening shadows shall creep
in to make this life seem droll
We've known so much of happiness
yes we've had our cup of joy
And memory is one gift of God that
death cannot destroy.
Should you go first and I remain
there's one thing I'd have you do
Walk slowly down that long path for
soon I'll follow you.”
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| Mel Tillis who shared his CD with my folks. |
It was a perfect song
for the occasion and would never have been known to us had not Mr. Tillis
shared his cd with us.
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| Jimmie the Kid back in my Mom's youth | | |
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As a boy, I enjoyed looking through
my parents’ box of old photos. Among the
snapshots of long lost relatives was an autographed picture of a young boy in
cowboy attire playing with a dog by an old wooden fence. It was autographed by Jimmy the Kid. My mother had seen him perform as a young
man, and decades later he was still entertaining people under the name of
Little Jimmie Dickens. So I wrote him
and he sent back a current photo with a greeting to my parents. One of my mother’s favorite singers had
always been Eddy Arnold, and the aging singer pecked out a greeting on an old
typewriter and sent it back. Brenda Lee
also sent a hand written note congratulating the pair. Don Reid, one of the Statler Brothers, sent a
nice letter, as did singer and actor, Pat Boone. My wife and I have long followed a female
pianist from Wisconsin named Lorie Line.
She was kind enough to inscribe a photo, as well.
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| Little Jimmie Dickens today |
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| Note from singer Brenda Lee |
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| Letter from local boy who made it big, Steve Wariner |
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| Letter from my Mom's favorite, Eddy Arnold |
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Watching
the news had always been a part of our television routine, so I wrote some
anchormen, both local and national. Tom
Brokaw sent a brief, hand written note congratulating Mom and Dad and thanking them
for being part of “the greatest generation.”
My Dad especially loved Tim Russert, and he, too, quickly jotted them a
congratulatory note. A longtime local
news anchor, Mike Ahern, sent an amusing but very heartfelt handwritten letter,
and a favorite weatherman, Bob Gregory, likewise replied with a brief
note. The former Today Show host, Jane
Pauley, was once a local news woman here in Indianapolis, so I had to include
her. In reply, she also sent a
letter. But no reply stands out more
than that of one of the greatest news men and journalists of my life, Walter
Cronkite. Discussing his own marriage to
his wife, Betsy and acknowledging the difficulties my parents were facing, Mr.
Cronkite sent one of the warmest letters my parents were to receive.
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| A very fun note from a former local news anchor, Mike Ahern |
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| Tom Brokaw's reply |
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| One of our proudest responses, Walter Cronkite |
Although
not a newsman, another person who had occupied the television screen my whole
life was Art Linkletter. He too wrote a
long and moving letter in which he discussed the joy of his 73 year marriage to
his wife, Lois, his children and grandchildren and the pain of losing their
daughter. Mr. Linkletter was a
motivational speaker at the time, and it showed in his words of encouragement
to my dad. Like Walter Cronkite’s note,
his is also one of my most cherished replies.
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| A very thoughtful response from Art Linkletter |
In the
sports field, the people I contacted were limited because sports had not been as
big a part of our lives as other forms of entertainment. Dad enjoyed following the Indianapolis Colts,
and Coach Dungy was one of the first to respond with an inscribed photo. Also from the Colts roster, tight end Ben
Utech wrote a very nice note as did center, Jeff Saturday. They were both hand written letters and each
player discussed his own family to add a personal touch. Indiana basketball legend, Larry Bird, sent a
very simple note of congratulations. My
mother was originally from the Owensboro area of Kentucky, as is the Waltrip
racing family, so I wrote Darrell Waltrip who signed a photo to them.
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| Indianapolis Colts Center, Jeff Saturday, showing his softer side |
In a
category all his own, Survivor competitor and fellow Hoosier, Rupert Boneham
sent them a nice letter and photo.
Likewise, a local author (one of my dad’s favorites) and Quaker pastor,
Phillip Gulley, was also kind enough to send my father a letter.
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| Rupert adding his own special touch. He also sent a nice letter. |
Finally,
there was the response of Thomas and Skinner, Inc. My parents met shortly after World War II in
Indianapolis. It just so happened that
they were both employed at a local steel and magnet factory called Thomas and
Skinner – Dad running the centerless grinder in the shop while Mom ran a
punch press. In fact, many in my
mother’s family also worked there. And although
they officially met outside of work, I claim this to be the beginning of their
relationship. When I related this to the
company, the president of the company wrote me back saying they wanted to issue
a special certificate honoring my parents.
And so a plaque was created recognizing their service to the company and
their 60 years together as a couple.
Again, I was touched that a company would go out of its way in the
fashion that it did to celebrate a couple that no one working there today even knows.
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| The plaque created by Thomas & Skinner |
My
sister, upon seeing my great success, also dove into a letter writing campaign,
and her efforts returned some nice replies.
Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day O’Connor, whose husband was also
battling dementia, wrote a warm reply.
The actor Karl Malden sat down on his 85th birthday to pen a note of encouragement to my mother.
Ernest Borgnine also sent an encouraging hand written note to my sister and an
inscribed photo to my parents. Sydney
Poitier sent a lengthy letter discussing Mom’s great pies which Dianna had
mentioned in her note to him. The beloved child actress, Shirley Temple even sent
a rare reply in the form of a card wishing my folks a happy anniversary. Former First Lady, Betty Ford, wrote a note as
did George and Barbara Bush, although I’m sure their reply is secretarial as
are most presidential replies. Actors
from the Waltons television show, Ralph Waite and Michael Learned, each
answered her, as did Phyllis Diller, Betty White, Ken Berry, Jimmy Dean, James
Arness, Jon Provost (Timmy of Lassie fame) and Jim Stafford. There was also a signed anniversary card from
Billy Graham.
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| Karl Malden's letter to my mom written on his birthday |
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| I was surprised when my sister got a reply from Sidney Poitier |
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| Ernest Borgnine's note of encouragement to my sister, Dianna |
The
stack of replies soon became a mountain and eventually I had to decide on how to best
present it to my parents. I finally
decided on the idea of a large scrapbook, something I had never done. I spent hours at the craft store looking for
background paper for each of the pages, searching for decorative touches and
relative quotes. I scoured the Internet
for yet additional quotes to augment the theme of some pages. Then I had to go through all the family
photos and scan and copy dozens upon dozens of old photographs, print them out,
cut them, organize them and affix them to the appropriate pages. Many nights I was up until midnight or later
trying to organize all of this, and I suspect I put in 100 hours all told. What I finally produced was a book telling
the story of their lives and including all the replies. As one looks through the book, the left hand
page is a collection of photos outlining various points in the timeline of
their lives. It begins with my father’s
early years, goes next to my mother’s life, then on to their dating, their
marriage, their children (each in turn,) their homes, their extended families,
their friends, their recreation, family meals, prior anniversaries,
and grandchildren before eventually concluding with their current life. I included a letter I had received years
earlier from my Dad’s late sister describing their wedding at her house. I also included snippets from a brief memoir
my Dad had written about his life. On
the right hand pages I mounted the photos and letters we had received. Whenever there was only a letter, I found
photos of the person on line to print and include with the letter so Mom would
know (hopefully) from whom it came. In
the end, I had a book 12 inches by 13 inches and 3.5 inches thick.
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| The finished product |
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| Some vacation pictures opposite the letter by Indianapolis Mayor Ballard |
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| My Aunt Nellie's letter about my parents' wedding opposite the letter from former Mayor Bill Hudnut |
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| Pictures of my brother (child 2) opposite Jane Pauley's letter |
On the
day of their anniversary, the family gathered at my house and we presented them
with their book. They sat together and
paged through it with Dad turning the pages and pointing out the various people. Mom sat and carefully studied the pages, but
she kept her usual unexpressive look. I
was not sure if she knew what she was looking at, but when I quizzed her about
a couple of the old photos, she could tell me who they were. Then something happened that made it all
worthwhile for me. Dad was having trouble reading a name on one of the letters when my mother looked over and read it to him. We had all thought that Mom had lost her
ability to read, and to see her do it one more time nearly brought me to
tears. For days afterwards, Dad would
pull out the book and together they would sit, look at it and try to reminisce together. My goal had been met. I gave Dad something that made the day a
little happier, and I sparked in Mom some lost memories. But it would never have happened had not
dozens of celebrities taken the time to jot down a few thoughtful words for a
couple they would never know, but whose lives they had long impacted. I thank them one hundred times over. More importantly, I thank my parents for creating the
perfect model of what a marriage should be.
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| Mom and Dad looking at the book with family gathered around |
And that is why today I say, "Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!"
* click on any photo for a larger view
